He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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