i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
