you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
