Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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