Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
