please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
