If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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