Cold hands, warm shart.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
