My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
