I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
