So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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