How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
