it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
