Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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