I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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