Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He passed out mid-signature
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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