If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
