Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
time to smoke my breakfast
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
