The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
