New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got inside last night via doggy door
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
