1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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