everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
