wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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