Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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