Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You were trust falling into bushes
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
