I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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