my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
