so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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