Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
