I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
