Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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