Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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