Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
