found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
