I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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