Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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