so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
