So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
