I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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