Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
