Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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