you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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