what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My bed smells like the plague
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
