just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
