sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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