turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
