I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
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no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
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Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.