Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
