tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.