no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
