I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
