I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
