Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
