God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
