Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
