the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
