He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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