I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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