I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
