We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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