I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
