I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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