I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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