dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
