Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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