Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
