Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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