I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
