brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
