Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
